wait. what?

I had a dream last night that I was standing in front of the first girl I fell in love with. She was here and there, new and old, all in the same moment. Dream-like. You know. But she looked at me and the present-day-her separated from the several-years-ago-her and wandered away to who knows where. The old-her kissed me lightly and told me she loved me and apologized for what I assumed to be the way things were now. I tried to touch her but I couldn't. Then I woke up.

What the fuck is that about?

Well, its been a bizarre couple weeks. Living in this city-- and I do blame pretty much everything that goes wrong in my life on Los Angeles, which isn't really fair, but fuck it-- living in LA has slowly been wearing on my brain. Maybe its me just getting older and more cynical or maybe its the pollution. Either way I decided to take a vacation, head home for a bit, get my head together, but I was forced to used that time to bid farewell to a dear friend of mine instead. Having never really experience anything of this nature, I found it very nice to be home and around so many fantastic people during this rough time. I'm forever grateful for the amazing moments I've had this last week. But to continue, I returned to LA with even more stirred up emotions and a whole new set of "what the hell and I doing?" questions. I don't get along with the city I live in. That's sort of a certainty now. Does it really matter? Can't I be successful regardless of this? Shouldn't I try to see this through? I don't know. I have no clue. Life is a little bit different lately, and something is going to change soon.

For now its hotter than shit, and I'm pretty set to wander off to sleepy-land. Night.